This blog post idea came about when I was talking to my friend Innah from Gather and Brunch, which is such a great initiative to bring women in The Hague, where I live, together to build a community. Anyway, we had a conversation a couple of weeks ago about how we both found it super hard to say no to people. We are both major people pleasers. This got me thinking on why it is so important for people like us, people pleasers, to say no to people more often. Because we both got talking and noticed that we had both been used by people to do a lot of work. Innah had this with her job and I could relate to this at university. More often than not, people tend to know when others are people pleasers who find it especially difficult to say no. This conversation as well as a coaching session with one of my friends from university inspired me to write this blog post, not only to hopefully inspire me to say no more often, but also to hopefully inspire you to say no more often.

For your own health

If there’s one thing I have learnt over the past year, it’s that your time is valuable. We’re all living in a world where everyone is constantly busy. And so are you. Taking on more jobs will only clog up more of your schedule. It’s not fun to feel stressed at all, which is why it’s so important to say no from time to time. The most important reason to say no is for your own health. You have to say no from time to time to take care of yourself, to make sure you are healthy and don’t feel stressed when doing your work. You need time for your self, to recharge your battery. Not only should you do this for your physical health, but also for your mental health.

Separating refusal from rejection

One of the hardest things I find about saying no is the fear of rejection from others. It’s a known fact that we all want to be liked and to not be left out of things. But saying no doesn’t immediately mean you will be left out. It just means no. I can’t do this job for you, as I am busy too. Rejection might feel harsh to you because you feel guilty for not being able to help someone else, or because you might miss out on opportunities. That’s not always true.

Saying no to someone doesn’t automatically mean that you don’t want to help them, you’re not a dick, you want to help them. But you have so much on your own plate already. Explain it to them in that way. I find that explaining why I said no helps me a lot. It helps the other understand why you said no, but it also makes it easier for them to understand. If the relationship deteriorates from you saying no, it wasn’t a good relationship in the first place. It was only a relationship based on interest instead of sincerity.

You don’t need a reason

If there’s something that is always nagging at me whenever I say no, it’s because people ask me why. Why can’t you do this for me? You don’t have to give a reason for this. You don’t have to justify your reasons, your decisions or your schedule to someone. You can just say no without having to feel bad about it. Like I said before, it’s all about preventing adding too much stress to your life, to avoid a burnout.

Saying no to one thing may lead to another thing

Saying no to one thing, might open other, even better doors for you. I always find it hard to say no whenever people offer me jobs. I feel pressure to accept all jobs and opportunities that are handed to me. However, sometimes you need to preserve your time, money or energy for something that is meaningful for you. This makes it easier for you to say yes to something you feel truly passionate about and to put a lot of effort and energy into the projects you’re passionate about. This will all eventually shine through in your work, which can eventually also help to fulfill your goals or even your dreams.