If your mind works relatively the same as mine, then you know how difficult it is when there’s this constant voice in the back of your head adding to your self-consciousness. Having a super self-conscious mind can make it quite difficult to find happiness in every day life. That little voice inside your head makes you self-conscious about your body, your life choices or your career path can be so self-destructing. You constantly think about the ‘what if’s. You don’t really let down your hair to enjoy the ride that is life. It’s something I have struggled with my entire life to be honest. In high school I thought it would blow over once I would be at university, and in university I thought it would blow over once I had graduated. I still struggle with finding happiness in little things as that little voice inside of my head often makes a reappearance telling me ‘what if’. It’s something that I have learnt to deal with throughout the years, but it’s also something I still struggle with. Some days that little voice does not even make an appearance, but other days that little voice takes over and controls my day, my happiness.
While lately I have felt happy in general, I still feel like I have not let down my hair properly recently. I felt like I had not been living life really. I have not done something outside of my comfort zone. Life has just been life. Nothing too exciting, nothing to boast about whenever anyone would ask me what I have been up to. Previously I would dwell on these thoughts forever and ever. I would feel bad about not having anything exciting to tell about what I was up to. But that’s a self-destructive path I no longer want to walk on.

The key in not dwelling on how my day-to-day life could also be boring, is to find happiness in little things in my life. I previously spoke about the power gratitude journaling has on my happiness, confidence and my day-to-day mood. Gratitude journaling obviously plays a part in finding happiness in little things in my life. Even though my day might be horrible, there’s always something positive to focus on instead. It’s something that might seem obvious to some, but it’s so easy to keep focusing on the negative things in life if you’re stuck in that frame of mind. If you’re surrounded by people also being negative. Something we can all realise when we feel negative is that we all have some sort of privilege in our lives everyday single day. By acknowledging those privileges, it becomes easier to find something to be happy and grateful for. A few examples can be being surrounded by loving family and friends, having dinner at night or even a warm bed to come home to at night. Through years of trying to change this mind set, I have learned to appreciate small things such as seeing my parents every night. To have that quality time, to enjoy each other’s company and to be able to laugh with them no matter how horrible each of our days went. Those days where you can stop life for a little bit, to let go of thoughts about work, university, deadlines due tomorrow, where you can just live in the moment and appreciate what is happening there brings me happiness.
That little voice that spreads my self-consciousness also tends to talk me down when I feel like I have it all under control. I am often told I am a great self-effacer. I don’t like to boast about reaching my goals. In my opinion, there always is room for improvement. There are always ways to do better, to be better. And while I take it as a compliment when people see me as someone who is self-effacing, that little voice inside my head tends to talk me down when I should be feeling so proud of things I have achieved, things I am capable of. And that’s the thing, when finding your happiness in little things you should always realise how great you are and how strong you are. This sounds so contradicting, as I have just told you I would never use the word great about myself. But think about it: don’t we all always manage to pull ourselves through though situations, no matter how hard they are? My mum is a prime example in this as she had a stroke mid-January. She had to learn how to walk again. We’re now in March and she showed us all how strong and great she is. She envisions herself to walk out of the rehabilitation centre in three weeks time walking on her own. No crutches, no Zimmer frame. Even though she is tired and feels lost at times, she proves how strong she is. She does physiotherapy, hydrotherapy to reach her goal. Just this week she walked around the centre without her crutches. It is a prime example of how strong and great you are as long as you believe in yourself.

One thing the whole situation with my mum taught me, is to let go of things you can’t control, both in the past and in the present. When my mum was first hospitalised we kept dwelling on what we had done wrong. But sometimes you don’t necessarily do anything wrong. Instead of focussing on what could have happened if you had done it another way, it’s better to just live in that moment and work towards a more positive future. Letting go is something I for the life of me cannot let go. Whether it’s something someone said to me or an insufficient grade at university. It always got to me. I am a major over thinker and can still recall fights I had with girlfriends in grade school thinking what I should have said or done differently back then. Whenever I get too caught up in situations outside of my control, I start to overthink, which usually leads to an anxiety attack. My dad has a really Dutch, down-to-earth approach to those sorts of situations. He tells me he understands what I am saying, then explains me I need to breathe. Once I have my breathing under control he asks me about the situation and slowly talks me through me being able to let go of the things that I cannot control. Throughout years of him teaching me this, I have now learnt that it’s best to let go. As long as you are always kind, generous and positive and do the best you can, you have done your best. If things work out, they will, if they don’t then it’s disappointing. Yes you are allowed to feel sad about it, but let go of the situation, as you are no longer in control of it.

Obviously there will be days where you feel upset, anxious or just generally not happy. We all have those days and it’s completely normal to have those days. The only advice I can give you on those days is do what you can on the day and only do things that make you feel good. If you want to do nothing but lie in bed and watch Netflix all day, then you should allow yourself to do so. Recharge that battery and find happiness in doing just that. Your own happiness is the most important thing in life. . It’s something I had to learn the hard way as someone who tends to put others before herself and her own happiness. If you are happy in your own body, your own mind, it radiates throughout your whole body on both the inside and outside. Believe in yourself and then everything will fall into place.